Yesterday I turned 40
A brand-new decade.
For many, getting older and hitting age milestones are not exactly something they look forward to. In a culture that celebrates youthfulness and turns their noses up at the idea of wrinkles, gray hair and softer bodies – a few have asked how I feel – I think the expectation is to be less then thrilled but I am not.
I am excited and thrilled. Maybe Ill throw myself a party. I had plans to go on
a girls trip – but with our current climate that has been cancelled but I am ok with that. Ill be celebrating the fact that I get to have another birthday to celebrate.
39 was a year that taught me a lot about myself. I discovered a far more confident woman and I am no longer the woman I once was.
39 was a year where I discovered my voice and started to use it more often.
39 was the year that I started to have fun in my everyday life. I focused more on healing my body and creating more memories with my child and family and enjoying every possible second, I had with them. – You see the end of being 38 – I came close to leaving this world.- 39 was the year I really truly slowed down in all the right places. More grace for myself. More grace for others.
39 was the year that I surrendered myself up to Yahweh and was born again.
39 was the year I released identities build from years of instability and not feeling worthy. And discovering my true personality – after being delivered of a personality that was created from trauma response after trauma response. 39 was also the year that many people left my friend circle – love and light, good vibes don’t apply when you don’t hold the popular trending views -
39 was the year I tapped into my God given gifts – I have been led in a very clear direction of where He wants me to go. Write more. Speak more. Share more. Love more. Encourage more often and lift up constantly. To empower and equip those who chose to come into this space. Serve more.
39 was the year I learned that being strong and being a warrior did not mean I had to take it all on – It was ok to lay it down and surrender. I could give it to Yah. That I am imperfect and broken and that in itself has brought the biggest peace.
39 was the year I forgave
39 was the year I cried a lot, grieved , felt lost and also laughed the most. 39 was the year I discovered freedom through the power of the Ruach Ha’Kodesh – The Holy Spirit
39 was the year I broke out of the cage I as not meant to be in. Darkness of this world knows your weaknesses and insecurities and he will keep you there – the only way to repel him is with the LIGHT. I was never met to be in that cage.
39 was a defining year for me
For a little while I felt like maybe I was running out of time.
When we live by the worlds time line – sure it can seem that way – when we live in the present moment on Yahwahs time line – things are very different.
I was not going to write anything or even say anything. – I have never been one for attention or any need to announce my birthday. – but this year was different – it was the most spiritually transformative of my life – when you receive a new heart - no other superficial spiritual class, ritual or worship compares – He is the Way, The Truth and The light.